I’ve been having such great ideas lately of how to help the house, but I should know better by now. I went downstairs, for the first time in days, yesterday and I ended staying down there for about an hour. Bad idea! I realised that my ideas have no chance of coming to fruition as long as the men here are in control. I want to take actions which empower the women but the men are so dysfunctional they would never allow it to happen. Mother too is always going to be in control and I really do not want to be fighting what does not work. It’s too exhausting.
But while I was thinking about all of this, this morning, ‘upstairs’ explained to me why it was important that I stay upstairs! A few months ago they told me not to go downstairs, to stay in the flat. I didn’t understand then why they were saying that. I have been looking forward to the winter all summer long, for the ability to go outside, having been stuck indoors all year. But as soon as the weather cools down I get a cold which just won’t shift. The fact that this flat is so bloody cold too doesn’t help. It’s like living in Ireland when I was a child except that we don’t have any heating here. It’s like nobody manages the heat or the cold. Why don’t they have fires here? They will build one outside but then you have to sit downstairs with all the kids playing with it and I can’t stand to see it. It is so dangerous. Apart from that I do not like lots of company! I just cannot manage it. I can’t just sit there, I need to be doing something!
So there I was, feeling like there was absolutely no point to me staying here in this house and how it would be easier to actually get a life outside of here, when I understood what ‘they’ had meant when they told me to stay indoors. I am currently working on two levels, like at Memnon. (Although in this case I am acting as the male energy, as did Hatshepsut,and Omar is the female). Upstairs I have anchored energy which is different to the energies I have anchored downstairs. Yet they are connected to each other. The energies/thought-forms that come into this upper level slowly filter down to the lower level, like the human energy-field. But in order to keep in the space where I can receive these energies I have to avoid going downstairs because as soon as I do I am in the middle of all the negative energies generated by people. Emotions and beliefs that appear ‘normal’ to the people who live in them are energies which I cannot manage. They are too hopeless. There is little forward movement with them. No matter what I try to initiate they stall. The men make the craziest decisions, decisions which effect their families and ultimately the whole house, but everyone just has to put up with it. They have no other choice. It is the most frustrating experience to have. I can see where they are going wrong and yet no-one wants to know. It is as though downstairs people live with the ‘death’ impulse; that impulse that kills life and creates illness and despair. But through years of healing I overcame my own ‘death impulse’ and now my impulse is towards growth and life. But you cannot make a plant grow where there are 20 people ready to trample on it!
BUT, what I am made to understand is that if I, on my level, create the life I want to live, on a physical level, that these ideas will eventually filter down to the lower floor. If I create a place which is warm and beautiful, on the amount of money we get, then it will inspire those downstairs to do the same. I can bring in those ‘higher’ ideas and manifest them on this level and hopefully, in time those ideas will impact on those downstairs.
The mediating factor here is Omar, as he has the dual function of acting on my ideas downstairs and creating chaos up here because he has the same impulse as those downstairs. That creates a lot of obstacles for me, as I try to create something and he ruins it, not intentionally, but because it is the way he has always lived, without beauty and in chaos. I have to take that into account when I am recreating the flat and make rules. I have started to become quite firm with him now as this has gone on long enough and I cannot be an Egyptian wife any more. I have to be myself! I understand the Egyptian marriage dynamic well enough now to know how to counteract it! Although that does not stop it from effecting me! But I have to feel my female power now and act on it, knowing that it will create problems and a little conflict but if I am to achieve this then I just have to bite the bullet! Our friend Chris will be here soon too and he has been doing this work for quite a few years so that will make it easier to manifest too. But Omar is creating abundance in the field, growing food and generating more income for the family, so he is taking the ideas we ‘receive’ and acting on them. The next step is learning how to use that income wisely and not give it all away for crazy and unnecessary projects downstairs which benefit nobody but the men!
Understanding how the levels work explains why Hatshepsut built her mortuary temple on three levels. The ground level is very much about the Earth/Mother and what it produces. The next level is the balance between the light and the dark, male and female, both energies mediating the upper and lower levels. The upper level is the Solar/Male level. Hathor brings the nourishment of the Mother, while Anubis brings the dark of the human unconscious. She is love and hope while he is death and initiation. Although it is the relationship between the two, the conflict generated between the two opposing energies which creates growth. Like the 4th ray, of harmony through conflict.
This awareness also makes me think of why chapels are built on an upper level rather than on the ground floor, such as at Corfe castle and on mountainsides. They are built on levels of energy which allow them to be a medium between those layers and the layer of humanity. Nothing is accidental when it comes to spiritual architecture and its placement! The clues are in the building itself and in its position. In order to build these places the designers/architects have to understand the principles of energy which they are representing. In our case here, in our home, we are taking what is already built and modifying it to become a spiritual space. The energy-work has already been done and now the physical manifesting of it needs to happen.
Little by little.
So I will work with these principles in mind and see what happens. These energy-lines Chris and I have built here go out in all directions, and so whatever ideas I receive and act upon also influence the people who reside beside, or on, those lines. It is not just the people who live in this house who receive the benefits. So I will stick with it for a while and see what changes. If we are not here then there is no possibility for change; but as long as I am, then there is.
I guess its that simple!