Bettaw is a traditional, Egyptian sourdough cornbread, but one that you do not see made so often today. It is one of those traditional breads, which seems to be dying out as more people eat wheat bread, especially the nice soft white rolls that you can buy from the local bread-makers.

2014-09-03 08.28.04My mother-in-law was once famous for making Bettaw. When she baked it in the clay oven, where the women here all make their bread once weekly, it could be smelled for miles around and all of the neighbours would beg for just one round! One old neighbour was given three loaves and he ate it a little at a time, everyday. When he died, his daughter was cleaning his room and found a cardboard box beneath his sofa-bed. In it was his last remaining, hidden,Bettaw loaf, as hard as a rock.

Now that we have found the last remaining corn grinding mill in Luxor and we are growing our own corn, Mother was happy to be able to make it again. However, after two tries she gave up in frustration. It just wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do, the oven was too hot…she felt dizzy etc. She became depressed and took to her bed, the oven was working against her…It has been six years since she made it last. To her it was a disaster, to me it tasted delicious; the second batch being better than the first. There was far too much emphasis on how it looked rather than on how it tasted.2014-09-06 10.55.33

I decided to do some research online to find out how to make sourdough cornbread, as trying to decipher Mother’s rather secretive info on how to make it was risky at best. I mainly found recipes, which also included a commercial yeast and white flour; but this Bettaw was basic stuff, with nothing fancy in it. Basically, Mother took some cornmeal and added water to it; she let it sit for a few hours, then she added it to a large pan of corn and water mix with a little salt and left it to prove. When it had begun to crack on top, she took a large wooden spoon and made medium-sized loaves with it, putting some cornmeal on the bottom to stop them sticking to the oven floor. It cooked pretty much as you’d expect cornmeal to cook, hard and dry. I really couldn’t see what they were all going on about! But, it was a dying tradition so I wanted to see if I could figure it out!

First, I needed to understand the whole sourdough thing, so I made up a batch as Mother had made it. I also made a white flour batch. The following morning I inspected it, the white flour starter had lovely big orange spots of bad bacteria on the top, and smelled foul, so out that went. I started again with a jar, instead of a stainless steel bowl. I threw away the cornmeal starter because it too smelled ‘ill’ and started another one in another jar. This time I let them both sit on the counter in my hot kitchen for a few hours but then put them both in the fridge after a few hours of bubbling fermentation.

The following morning I checked them and they were still fermenting, probably because of all the power cuts we have been having thanks to this countries wonderful inefficiency! Everything else was going off in my fridge but it was perfect for my sourdough starters! I fed them both, left them out for a few hours again, and then popped them back in the fridge.2014-09-06 10.58.15

This morning I mixed up my cornmeal, salt and water and added the cornmeal starter, then left it for six hours to do its thing, whatever that was supposed to be! After six hours it had risen and was smelling sour; the top had begun to crack and I had heard Mother saying that that was when you knew it was ready. I decided to try it two ways. I put half of the mix gently in a loaf tin, and spooned loaves with the other half.

Still experimenting, I had no idea how hot the oven was supposed to be but my oven is a Chinese joke and it has taken me the three years I have been here to master it so…I just did what I normally do when making Irish soda bread. I have to be really careful as everything burns in the metal trays and loaf tins if I have it too high, so I have to keep it low, and I can’t have it so low that the bread doesn’t cook at all. A tricky business. 2014-09-06 14.59.08

But they cooked. They look nothing like the traditional Bettaw but they do taste rather delicious with butter and honey, and are not dry. They also have a lovely sourdough taste I have my starter on the go so I will try letting them prove in my muffin tin next time to see how it makes a difference. I’ll also try it with less water and see if I can get it the same as mother’s, then it will look like Real Bettaw! Getting the natural yeasts to work is going to take some practice but I’ll get there. This bread is far more nutritious than the wheat flour bread, as all of the germ and bran is removed from the wheat, but it is left in the cornmeal, and we get two crops of corn a year, which also feeds the animals so a win-win for sure. I’m going to get some Hopi blue corn seeds and grow them here and see how we get on with those.

Hmmm – Blue Bettaw. Sounds interesting, and if the man who owns the corn mill decides to give it up We’ll buy it from him. It is far too valuable to lose! I’ll have to get Omar to take some photos of it next time…or I might just go with him­­ – .

Qurna Homestead update. September 2014.

I haven’t written here in quite a while so I thought I would share how things have developed during the past 6 months.

DSCN9417Omar is still working the eight Kirat field down by the Nile and we are still eating the onions he grew there last winter. However, our flat is the only flat where there are still onions, because the women here have no idea of how to store things and will use veges, etc. in huge quantities as soon as they get their share of the harvest. The result is they have to buy their onions from the souk within weeks.  Omar tells his mother proudly  that I still have most of mine. Bad move!  Mother then goes and tells all the other women who then come to my door asking for onions! We’ve now put a stop to that! I budget my produce so that it lasts me until the next harvest, which is still six months away! I am not giving any away, especially as they received twice as much as we did to begin with. They’ll have to learn just as I did.

We now have a bull calf and cow, 5 ewes and 1 young ram, 4 white ducks, 11 white chooks and 1 beautiful cockerel and 3 hens…and a partridge in a pear tree. No, we don’t have a partridge…or a pear tree…but we have considered quails…

We eat bread made from the wheat Omar grew over last winter’s season, and corn meal from last year’s 2014-04-27 16.21.14maize crop. It is hard to find a mill that still grinds the corn into meal for human consumption, there are a few for animal feed though. Since last year’s harvest Mother had kept back some corn cobs while Omar sought out a mill, but he had no luck finding one. Then, a few nights ago he had a dream where he was given detailed instructions on where he might find one. He woke up telling me about it and wondered if it was real.

At the souk, the following week, he randomly asked a friend he met there if he had ever heard of a mill that ground corn meal in the place he had been told of in his dream. His friend said that there was! Omar couldn’t believe it! He took the bags of maize and took a tok tok (A motorbike with a trailer) to Bairat, (another village a couple of kilometres away) to find the mill. It took him two hours, but he came back with hot meal, freshly stoneground in the only remaining mill to grind flour for human consumption on the Entire West Bank! His mother was elated. She had been dreaming about Bettaw, a sourdough cornbread, which she knew from years ago. She was going to make some in the morning. Omar told her to wake me up so I could see how she made it. 2014-09-03 08.28.04

The following morning she woke me up and I went down to the bread oven, which she was firing up with the straw and dung from under our cows and sheep. All the kids were there watching too. However, mother was guarding her secrets and had already made the Bettaw mixture. Sharing is not a word in her vocabulary, unless of course everyone is sharing with her! I got Omar to ask how she had made it and it took ages because she avoided giving the right info, etc. until Omar became confused and didn’t understand any more. I pushed until I understood that it was just a basic sourdough cornbread! Her final remark, as she put the breads into the oven, was “Of course you have to cook them in this oven…you can’t cook them in your  ‘gas oven’. This is because I bake all of my bread in my oven upstairs and never use the clay oven! I have mastered my oven’s idiosyncrasies! Cheap rubbish from China! But, this was Mother’s way of owning her Bettaw-making! She is the only one who can make it…or rather, was! Mother likes to be the only woman in the house who can do anything…or own anything.

A few weeks ago she did a sneaky thing with me. She has her chicken house and I have mine. Mine is in with the animals and none of the kids are allowed in there unless they are doing a chore. Because of previous disempowering episodes with Mother I decided to push myself into the 2014-05-02 11.19.53space of this house. If we are paying so much to support the twenty people in this house then I want to be able to use a part of it, especially when it benefits the entire household. I refused to be pushed back up into my flat anymore, just passing out finance when they wanted it. It took quite some pushing!!! But, we built a chicken house and Omar bought me some day old chicks, which I raised upstairs until they were old enough to go downstairs. All the women in the house bought some too and we bought some for one woman who had no money. But the tom cats decided that unguarded chicks in boxes on top of fridges in houses with no doors, made a very good meal. The result? A lot less chicks!  So the women gave me their birds to raise upstairs until they were old enough to come downstairs. When they were ready I told the women, but they asked me to keep caring for them, as I do a good job of it, and they have nowhere to keep them  So all the chickens went into my hen house.

2014-06-26 12.46.50All was fine for a while. Omar went to the souk to buy me three ducklings and came back with twelve! So I decided to give each house three. Amira, the eldest girl in the house, and daughter of the brother who everyone thinks of as the ‘Authority’, took hers and kept them with her mother’s chickens. Her mother generally takes care of her own as she keeps herself quite separate to the other women. Mother does not like her because she gives Mother nothing! However, when they saw how well our ducks were doing Amira’s mother said to put them with mine in the garden to fatten them up! At my expense. They were not being fed properly and were half the size of the others. We had made a separate pen in the garden and put a hole in the wall so that the ducks could come out and swim. They spend the day there, while the chickens stay with the animals pecking around in the ground. Good for the cattle and good for the hens!

Mother bought 100LE worth of older chickens and put them in her hen house. But they started dropping like flies. So she put the remaining ones in with mine, thinking that it was the food or something. They feed their birds household scraps, which also DSCN9640includes rusty wire wool from cleaning the saucepans and plastic wrappers from the stock cubes! One by one, all of mine started dropping like flies also. Wasn’t the food! We bought some Dettol and completely cleaned both houses and put Mother’s back in with hers. She had one survivor!! We had quite a few more!!! Thank God! Then Mother began to make her take-over bid, just as she did last time. But this time I was on to her. She wanted me to keep her one cockerel in my house, then she started to feed the ducks and her one cockerel, in my hen house, with the same rubbish she feeds hers with. She kept doing it, purposefully and defiantly. It was her way of saying ‘she owned it’. But we fought her at every turn and put her birds back in her house. If she was going to try and play nasty games with me then she looks after her own birds. Being nice here is not an option! I have lost far too many chickens to that woman!

Everything was fine, Mother was being nice, even swapped her cockerel for a hen but insisted that we keep the hen with ours…again! We looked after her two Muscovy Ducks when one of hers died and fed them. We are still looking after the women’s birds and their ducks for 200LE a month! Mother was singing my praises telling everyone how I had saved her duck and her cockerel. Then the following day Mother has nearly forty new chickens in her hen house, not including the little white ones we had all bought in the souk the previous week. When Omar investigated, it turns out that all of the women had banded together, even the one who didn’t get on with Mother, and had bought fourteen chicks each, which Mother has complete control over in her hen house. But no-one had told me.  I was very hurt as they had all discussed this behind my back and had done everything without thinking of asking me if I would like to have bought some too. Mother was up to her tricks again.. Omar was furious as everything we do is to benefit all of the women and children, and the women know that they are free to take their birds whenever they want. They know we do nothing for ourselves, we have very little compared to what we give them. But because Mother was jealous and wanted to be in control she did a nasty thing.

DSCN9625On one level I was glad that the women all had birds now. Before I came here Mother was the only one who had birds. Now the women are thinking ahead. That’s a good thing. But the way it was done was mean. The woman I had sold our ram for, so she could pay for her C-section, felt guilty when Omar  said that no-one was to come to our door and ask for anything again. She said that walahi (I swear) she bought the three naked-neck chickens for me as she knows how much I like them. A month later however, I still have not received them. I didn’t want them, but the offer would have been nice as it would have meant it was genuine.

Omar and I made a selfish decision then. We decided, that from now on, we keep birds only for ourselves. So the women were given their ducks, which they all promptly ate without so much as a thank you! I still have the original hens, we have four as so many of ours died when Mother had her hens with ours, and I divided the survivors equally between the three women as I didn’t know whose had been killed. One woman has only two, the other has four, which mother sees as hers also, but that woman has since left and I don’t know if she will return. But Mother is not getting her hands on them if she doesn’t,  the eggs will be shared with everyone. We have one cockerel, which we call prince as he is so handsome, and three hens. More than enough for our use.DSCN9632

We have four ducks left, two pairs, and Amira still has one male, which she will kill and eat when her Mother is ready for it, or until it is bigger!!! Mother now knows that my hen house is under my control and even though I share freely I won’t be manipulated or conned into giving her what she wants and more. I know all of her tricks now. But it is all so bloody exhausting.

However, I have learned some valuable lessons! Being too generous and putting ourselves last is not a good idea here. No-one will ever think of us, they will only think of themselves, so its OK to be selfish and take care of ourselves, so long as we are not taking away from anyone else. This is stuff I learned before I came here, but because of the apparent poverty it is hard to be selfish. But we have to be. Or we will have nothing left for ourselves.

Keeping really strong boundaries is a must here, as no-one seems to have any!! (But that will be another blog!) Using personal power wisely is also a must, not allowing myself to be manipulated or controlled by lazy men and selfish women. Its a sad fact that the good women in this house just do not last here. They can’t cope with the games. I have to develop a really tough skin to survive here and stop looking for approval. All of those wonderful things I was learning about on my path of self-discovery become necessity here!!!

You really do have to ‘walk your talk’!! If you don’t, you will be walked on, just like the proverbial doormat!

Mixed Marriage in Upper Egypt

cooke-familyI’m just watching an American series called Texas Ranch House. It’s one of those programs where they put modern people into an old world setting and then film them for a year. I have always had fantasies about living on a Texan ranch, I have no idea why, but it is possibly a past life desire! Obviously my subconscious is remembering the good memories of that possible lifetime, because watching this series feels very much like watching my life here in Luxor and that ain’t no fun!

Its not so much the way they live as the way the roles of men and women change, the more time they spend in the ranch. There is the ‘rich’ family, with their one female helper/servant, and then you have the cowboys and their cook living some way away from the main house.

Somehow, as they progress through the dynamics of life on an 1867 ranch the men seem to take control of everything and the women get pushed further and further into the house. I’ve only watched the first two episodes but already I am recognising the same dynamics as I experience here. The Ranch House mother summed it up for me. She was the driving force behind getting her family to do this project, but slowly she experiences that ‘position’ slowly ebbing away. “I was the driving force to get us here but I felt like I disappeared. I’m kind of doing the backbone job, I’m holding it up, getting it ready, making it move forward but, its so not about me, so you have to trust those around you…well you have to recognise that.”

Sucks to that! That is how I feel here. I wasn’t aware that women have no power, no input, and no value here, other than to take care of the men. What makes it worse is that the men are so inept! They are chaotic, they have no boundaries and absolutely no common sense whatsoever and yet, as a woman I am expected to trust them.

images (3)

For me, being the main financial backbone is completely disempowering. I feel like Rapunzel, kept in a tower by the wicked witch (no guesses as to who that is) and I am visited by my ‘prince’ who uses my hair/love to climb to me. But of course the wicked witch cannot know that the prince loves me, it has to be kept secret, or rather, in our case, his role is take care of her and the family of brothers and their wives. If he starts to pull away from her and his caretaking role of protector to be in relationship with me then she does everything in her power to bring him back to her. I am constantly reminded that I have no place or power here and my job is just to provide for them. Everything is fine so long as I am here in my tower/flat and do not interfere with how they do things here.

Just like the woman in the Ranch series I feel like I have disappeared. I have to be here to ‘take care’ of everyone’s needs and as soon as I try stepping back into my power and focus on my own needs and goals then I too am pulled back into focussing only on husband and family. It’s nearly like a survival tactic on their part. If I focus on my own life then somehow I won’t be focussing on theirs and to them their survival is more important than mine.

I see this happening to many Egyptian/foreign marriages. The Foreign women are there to provide security and financial wealth to the families they have married into. Instead of marrying a husband they have married an entire family and that family is very large with lots of ‘needs’. If you stay with the husband and his family then you are just the finance and you have no real relationship with our husband. You become a wife, but not a wife in the way we in the West see it, no…you are just the provider and support, nothing more. Your husband may well love you dearly but could he live with you somewhere else and just focus on your relationship as we do in the West? Would he be able to build a life as a couple, without having to take care of dozens of other people too? I don’t know. I’ve not seen it here!

The problem with being the financial backbone is that they do not recognise that European money does not grow on trees. They will manipulate and emotionally blackmail you in order to get their needs met, but your struggle is not recognised at all. The fact that you have given them every penny and are left with nothing for yourself is not their problem. They don’t really care. They care about the men’s health and welfare, but if my husband was not here with me would they care about my needs after they have bled me dry? Somehow I’m not so sure. I have seen other foreign women, married to Egyptian men, who have been fleeced and left destitute. The husbands and their families took what they wanted and dumped her, leaving her with nothing.

Thankfully my husband does care enough about me and I am careful enough to know how this works so I keep myself safe. I haven’t given up my whole life in order to be here, but I have left behind people I love. I know I have someplace to go to, so if everything went wrong I know I would be OK! The same cannot be said for other foreign wives however, who may have nothing to go back to; having spent their life savings to be with a husband who swore he loved them but really just wanted her money…or body…or both!gty_oprah_green_mi_130204_wb

Anyway, back to the ranch. I was speaking with one of my daughters on skype recently about a woman she saw on ‘Oprah’ who became a multi-millionaire by writing a book, and who subsequently lost it all to a man who swore he loved her! This woman had altruistic motives in being rich. She wanted to use her money to help people just as someone had once helped her. However, she found that people, instead of being just being grateful and using the money to help themselves began to expect her to give them money! She felt drained, recognised what was happening and stopped giving her money away. She was surprised at how this had happened, but I experience the same thing here. It reminds me of the scene in the Jesus movies when Jesus goes into the leper colony and all the lepers mob him trying to get him to heal them! They took what they wanted without thinking of him, not caring if he was damaged in the first place. 

Because people do not have any boundaries here it is very difficult to set them. Nobody wants to acknowledge them and will actively break them until they get back to their comfort zone, even if that means hurting you. You are not allowed to say no, or to refuse what they give you. If you do you are upsetting the apple cart and they do not like it at all. If you step out of your assigned role they will do everything in their power to put you back in it. They have a system here, if they borrow something from you (and they borrow things all the time!) they then will pay you back by giving you some of their food. ‘How lovely’, you think…initially! Over time however, you realise that you cannot say no without the entire house being up in arms. You are now obliged to both lend them stuff or give them what they want…because after all they give you food in repayment! The whole system here is based on obligations.

We tried it before, refusing, nicely, their food and bread etc. because I was tired of handing things out the door every time someone was toplant-growing-through-pavemento lazy to go to the shop, which is a minute’s walk from our house! It became a huge battle and this battle was waged everyday. I was no longer flavour of the month, mother killed my duck out of spite and jealousy and my life was made miserable. I gave in. I wasn’t strong enough…yet…to deal with the fallout of stepping outside the ‘box’.  And perhaps too I had not yet healed enough my own childhood guilt about being from the rich family while other people around me were not so ‘privileged’? I also did not have enough experience about what actually happens when I step outside the box! Now I know what will happen but now too I am more prepared. If I  am ‘sent to Coventry’ then so be it. I have no ducks or chickens or rabbits. They disappeared downstairs…like everything else. At least I can live a life I actually want…and can enjoy, and will be free to write, to weave, to live in the way that is me!

I often feel like a small plant trying to grow through the cracks of a concrete path. I send my little shoots up only to get squashed back by the footfall of a passerby. But I keep trying to grow. I think that maybe I’m tired of it now and I need to send my shoots out to find another crack to grow through, one where there are fewer people to step on me and squash my tentative growth.

Now I’m going to watch the rest of the Texan Ranch house to see how the ‘helper’ girl becomes a cowgirl despite all the men freezing her out! I might learn a thing or two!

The White House, El Tod, Bayrat, West Bank built between 2008 and 2009

Originally posted on Hidden business of famous Luxor West Bank companies :

ImageYou may find the 4 storyes building right across the banana field on the right hand side of the road starting after Kareem Hotel in Gezira. It has a domed upper floor and was initially purely white.

This building was stolen, his initial owner and designer robbed of all means, by the West Bank mafia: (the family of Mahmoud Jahlan Abd El Al Omr, Hassan Shabban Abd El Al Omr, Mohammed Abol Naga, Hamada Ahmed Khalifa) .

The property is currently put on sale and is being rented by Hamada Ahmed Khalifa and his Dutch wife Karen Khalifa.

One might be renting or buying from thieves…


View original

Energy-work Journal Luxor. Qurna 2011.

This is the record of the energy-work I have been doing here in Qurna, Luxor for the past two and a half years. I have been working here in Luxor since 2008 during ‘holidays’ here and this is the continuation of that work. (Links to previous work in Egypt below post). Often I have to live on a point which is connected to lots of points so that the work layers can be built and expanded on. My present time in Luxor is one such time.

9 September 2011. El Qurna.

While Omar and I were cooking and we were talking about an offering tray which had been found while they were building a toilet I tuned in and was trying to get more information about it when I suddenly felt a ‘wind’ blowing towards me. It was the energy of a Egyptian woman from ancient times. She came in and told us that she had been buried alive with her mistress when she died. It was the tradition that the closest servants, who looked after them in life, would also look after them in death, but she said that the reason for this was because, as the persons closest to the Mistresses/Masters, they were buried alive with them so that they would keep their secrets, not to look after them in the afterlife.


She kept wanting to move in a certain direction and she told me that she was connected to the place beneath Omar’s uncle’s home across the souk from our  flat. Yet, when I looked in the direction she was pulling me in it was the opposite to his uncle’s shop! Omar could feel her strongly and felt that we needed to go now, before dinner. So we followed her. Once we were outside the house we walked to the souk area. I could see a line going from beneath our apartment straight out through the gate then separating, like the letter Y. One arm went directly to the shop and the other went in the opposite direction. I was being pulled to go in the latter direction. So we walked where she guided us, avoiding the stray dogs! I knew where I wanted to go but Omar was wearing shorts in public, and even though it was night-time, he felt he was not dressed properly so we went back. But he understood her message. It appears that some time ago people dug in that place where we were being drawn to, and found a lot of artefacts, which they then sold for a lot of money. Omar’s family found the offering tray, and the one which was broken, a few feet away from our house. And they are aware that there is something beneath his uncle’s shop. Tuning into the energies it feels like there is a triangular connection between the shop, the place where they found the artefacts and a point just outside Omar’s garden. This is then connected via a line to this house, beneath our flat. Right beneath our bedroom.

Later on, while in the kitchen I heard her say “Buried alive. Right in front of you.” Did she mean right in front of our house? She said that when she was living her name was ‘Jayna’ and that she worshipped an Isis-like Goddess, but this goddess felt much older than the Isis we know of today. She said that she existed before Seti the first built his temple and in her time you had to pay to have immortal life. It was not for the poor!2001-01-01 00.00.00-72 3 I heard ‘hear our voices’.

The following day  I went and tuned into the bedroom; I stood in the centre of the room and raised my arms. A large column of blue light appeared around me and a gold ankh appeared above it. I saw the ankh move down the column and move into a key-hole in the ground where it turned in the lock, opening up the energies. I stood back while the dark energies which had been stuck there were released. It wasn’t too bad. Then, when this was complete I saw myself standing in a pink lotus flower, opened. I had to create the first elemental layer of the diamond merkaba and I pulled in an energy from my left and my right, north and south, and joined them together. Next I pulled in the lines from the two points which Jayna pointed out last night and anchored them in the lotus. I pulled down a gold cord and attached it to the lotus and then a gold cord from the ground and anchored that in the lotus. It reminded me of Hathor’s chapel in Hatshepsut’s temple.

I’m struck by the fact that these lines of the triangle are black. Why? This morning I kept being reminded of the point right in front of the house. Then they were speaking of something beneath the holy mountain. I also heard references to the ‘old Religion’.

27 September 2011.

Down in the garden this evening I had to stop and tune in about two meters from the end of the garden. I had to face the four directions and then proceed up the garden, where I stopped again and this time raised a giant lotus energy there. It reminded me of the lotus pillars of the temples but I don’t know why it was there.

Yesterday I had a strong energy come in and I was strongly pulled to the point beneath the balcony where they found the other stuff. It was such a strong pull that I felt I needed to go down into the ground. This is where they found the offering trays. The first point in the garden is where other people have picked up ‘ghost’ energy there and Omar found a carved fish on the lotus point! So what is the lotus point? Usually the lotus points are on the ground level but this is above, in another layer possibly? I drew out the lines I saw and it creates an interesting network. The whole network is connected to the red line between Luxor and Karnak temple.

29 September 2011.

2013-09-11 11.39.36I had to bring down a golden dome around this house to bring in protection of a high frequency. There has been a lot of bad things happening here, accidents, attempted murder in a family feud etc. which has spread like a fire of negative energy. I noticed that even here in this house the negative energy effected everyone for a few days and there were arguments and fights between everyone.

Once the golden dome had been anchored I had to bring down the energy of the moon! I placed the full moon in the centre of the dome and it looked like the khonsu symbol upside-down. I had creative fires all around me like I was a fire goddess and I had to join together a gold line to a blue line. The gold line came from the south and the blue line from the North.

A few nights later, as we came back from Omar’s cousin Asheraf, we noticed as we stepped into the garden, a different energy. I thought it was our guardian and serving girl, Jayna’,  back again but after a few minutes the feeling dissipated and then I understood. It was our golden dome energy, and because the frequency is higher we noticed the difference as we stood into it!


Our first few trips to Luxor laid the groundwork for my permanent stay here. I can see, in hindsight, how I have been moving through the energies which I was ‘opening’ when I first came here. Usually when doing earthwork we are not ‘in’ the energies as they are clearing so this is my first time actually experiencing moving and clearing ‘at the same time’. It has not been easy. It still isn’t easy but most of my work here seems to be finishing up. I still have work to do between the major temple sites but not so much here in this house.

The energies I was connecting to turned out to be from approx 4000bc and the Nagada period, so when I was told ‘hear our voices’ I now understand what they meant! We are surrounded by Nagada II cemeteries, which we only found out last year.

Fukushima…my own Experience.

This was one meditation that I knew I wanted to do. I never usually do these World healing meditations unless I KNOW that it is one that I feel a strong connection to. But…a few years ago, before comg to Egypt, I was shown, by my guides, a vision of something which would harm the waterways.  They showed me post-apocalyptic zombies, dressed in rags, just like you see in all the horrow movies, emerging from beneath the ground, as though they were the dead coming to life. En masse, these zombies slowly walked until they came to a river. I thought that they would stop there but they didn’t, they just dropped silently into the water, their contaminated bodies merging with the riverwater. This water then flowed into the world bringing its death with it.


At the time I thought this was about a disease which would re-emerge and contaminate the waterways but my guides kept pointing me towards nuclear waste and radioactivity. I couldn’t figure out what they were talking about. Even when the Japanese earthquake happened I still didn’t twig. It was only when I started to read about how the radiation was damaging the pacific ocean did I realise what it meant. But I still didn’t know why they were telling me. What could I do about it?

Then, last night, I received the Newsletter from Tom and Judi about the meditation. Aha!! As I work with the elementals I knew this was for me too! I understood too the vision I had been shown a few years previously. So…I downloaded the meditation and I played it three times until I was finished. This is what I did in my healing:

Sound healing meditation for Fukishima.japa-MMAP-md

Initially I saw a green spirally design, above the coast beside the nuclear station, and I felt my connection to the elementals above Japan and the Pacific. I connected my energies to them and then felt myself move up in a spiral of energy until I was with the air elementals looking down on Japan, but I was looking at it from the north pole so that southern Japan on a map was North Japan to my vision. I had a pencil in my hand and I drew a line from one end of the island to the other, south to north. Then I opened it up as though I was doing surgery. As I held the ‘cut’ open hundreds of elementals flew in, like bees, to do work underground. When they had all entered I zipped it up again. This meant that there would be more work here in the future and could be opened easily.

I was still aware of being in my elemental body and now I felt a huge surge of joy and connection which brought me to tears. I felt that familiar pulsing of healing energies on my eyelids and black and deep purple seemed to be prominent colours, usually they are green and purple so this was the first time they appeared differently.  I saw a large object above the island which looked as though I was looking into the crater of an active volcano except that it was upsidedown in the sky and the lava was a purple-black colour. Then, from breaks in this deep purple cooling lava, streams of light broke through and they shone down in focussed beams onto different places in Japan. There were to stabilise the country energetically, as though the energy beams could ‘hold’ the space. I was aware too of the whales facing the plant and ‘holding’ the energy in the ocean. That made me feel really joyful.

kannon2Next, I was still experiencing the eyelid pulsing, when from out of the earth in Japan rose an ancient woman. She had long silver hair and a deep purple and black gown. She was the Mother of Japan, the ancient female energy of the island. She stood above, and yet on, the island as she was part of the fabric of it; her gown was the landscape. She reached up into space and plucked a brightly lit star from the dark sky then she placed it in her forehead. She merged back into Japan again, bringing this stellar energy with her. That filled me with joy.  I stayed with this feeling for a while until it felt ‘done’. Then I was told that it was complete.

It was a lovely experience doing this meditation and I felt no negative emotions at all. After reading Tom’s experience of it I half expected to but I felt nothing but joy.

I would be really interested in hearing other people’s experiences of this meditation. So many people work on so many different levels it would be wonderful to hear about their work. It will be interesting too to see how this work, which we are all doing, impacts on Japan and the Pacific. I will keep a watchful eye on it for now…

Tom Kenyon on Fukushima, from the Hathors.

Fukushima A Hathor Planetary Message through Tom Kenyon

We will divide our message into two parts. The first will deal with the escalation of your current Chaotic Node and the second with the nuclear facility at Fukushima Japan. The Escalation of your current Chaotic Node In relationship to previous Chaotic Nodes, this one is highly volatile.

From our perspective, the primary reason for this is related to changes in your Sun’s magnetic field. Indeed the escalation of this Chaotic Node is tied directly to the magnetic field shift that your Sun is entering. There are anomalies present in this phase of your Sun’s magnetic field-shift, and your scientists are puzzled about the reasons for this odd behavior. As the Sun enters a more dynamic phase of magnetic reversal, including the period directly after the Sun’s magnetic poles shift, we anticipate further escalations of your current Chaotic Node.

Any technological device or biological system that uses electromagnetic fields is subject to aberrations during this phase of the Sun’s magnetic pole reversal. Do not be surprised if your computers and telecommunications devices present erratic behavior. As biological organisms, you are being continually stressed by this particular Chaotic Node, and depending upon your level of sensitivity you might be experiencing sleep disturbances, emotional volatility, cognitive dissonance, memory glitches and an inability to sequence mentally—in the ways you are used to.

While we mentioned these aberrations in our previous message, we think you will see an increase of these phenomena as your Sun enters a more dynamic shift in its magnetic fields—including the period after the actual magnetic pole reversal occurs. We suggest you refer to our previous message, Cognitive and Emotional Challenges During Chaotic Nodes, for a simple method that might assist you as you move through the escalation phases of this current Chaotic Node. Fukushima The nuclear facility at Fukushima, Japan is in a critical phase of its decommissioning. This involves removing highly radioactive rods from one of its damaged reactors. It is most unfortunate that this is taking place during the escalation phase of your current Chaotic Node, but such is the nature of duality.

Fukushima poses a major ecological threat to the entire Pacific Basin, and if the radioactivity is not contained it will eventually threaten the ecosystem of the entire planet. This is a very complex situation. Three of the reactors experienced core meltdowns during the Earthquake in 2011. There is no current technology available to handle this level of radioactivity. In addition to leakage from storage facilities at Fukushima where radioactive water is stored, underground streams that flow underneath Fukushima into the Pacific Ocean are being contaminated by the three core meltdowns. From our perspective this is having dire consequences. We are proposing the use of a specific sound meditation for the purposes of supporting the nature spirits of this region, to support the human beings who are engaged in the dangerous and critical decommissioning of this facility and for the inspiration of new technologies to deal with the crisis. This sound meditation is for those of you committed to planetary service for the “long haul” as you say.

The situation at Fukushima will continue in various forms for at least the next two to three decades unless hitherto unknown new technologies arise to deal with the core meltdowns and the contamination of underground streams that flow into the Pacific Ocean. If you feel an alignment with this purpose and a resonance with the sounds that comprise this meditation we invite you to join this planetary work. To fully participate in this sound mediation and to have a positive impact upon the situation, you must have clarity, vibrational fortitude and perseverance. This is a calling to high spiritual mastery under dire circumstances. Let us address the three attributes required. Clarity The clarity required here is the recognition that as creator-beings you have the capacity and the right as human beings living on this planet, especially collectively, to change outcomes. This is done through clarity of purpose and clarity of emotion. It is the union of thought and purpose joined with coherent emotion that will produce the most positive impact. Vibrational Fortitude Metaphorically speaking you are swimming in the debris field of a global energetic tsunami.

You are witnessing the collapse of civilization as you have known it, and the birthing of a new civilization. But one consequence of such radical shifting in such a short period of time is the arising of fear. In order to participate in this global meditation, this form of planetary service, you must temporarily transcend your fear responses. You must enter a highly coherent state of emotional vibration to be effective in this. Perseverance Because the situation at Fukushima will continue in various forms for many years, this is not a short-term application of spiritual mastery. It requires that you revisit the situation in meditation many, many times. The task of applying yourself to the task at hand, i.e., the transformation of the situation at Fukushima through highly coherent states of emotion and clarity of purpose, requires your attention multiple times. In other words, after you get a sense of the meditation, you re-enter it whenever you feel called to do so and until the situation at Fukushima has been fully resolved.

The Meditation.

The sounds that comprise this meditation impart healing energies to the nature spirits of the region surrounding Fukushima. It also imparts support to the human beings engaged in the task of decommissioning the facility. When you listen to this sound meditation, you would ideally enter a state of vibrational resonance you might describe as ecstasy, impersonal love, appreciation or gratitude. While remaining in one, or all, of these coherent states for the entire duration of the meditation, you imagine positive outcomes in whatever ways they present themselves to you. If you do not know how to enter ecstasy and wish to experiment with this coherent state of being, we suggest you read a previous message entitled Ecstasy and the Heart, which presents a simple method for generating this state of consciousness. It is not so important which coherent state of consciousness you use, i.e., ecstasy, impersonal love, appreciation or gratitude. But it is a vital necessity that you attain a highly coherent state that transcends fear in order to be effective during this meditation. Without knowing how it will be accomplished you hold the clear intention that the situation at Fukushima be resolved for the benefit of life upon this planet. Collectively this intention will set a quantum field effect into motion. The purpose of this energetic is to inspire new technologies and new ways of dealing with the situation. The meditation itself is 3 minutes and 28 seconds long.

Personal Protection.

If you live within or near the Pacific Basin we suggest you refer to a previous message entitled Medicines of Light. This is a mind/body/spirit process that engages your higher dimensional aspects to protect your biological expression, i.e., your physical body.


This message is a calling to a specific and highly demanding form of planetary work and service. You will know if you have been called to participate in this form of Planetary Service for you will feel a response in your heart/mind and an enlivening of your being. We have said it before, and we will say it again, “The journey of an Initiate is the art of applying consciousness to life.” It is through this application that you gain greater mastery. To those of you who feel called to join this particular form of planetary service, we extend to you our deepest appreciation. The Hathors November 26, 2013

Tom’s Thoughts and Observations.

Shortly after the Japanese earthquake of 2011, which severely damaged the Daiichi Nuclear Facility at Fukushima, I was in meditation when I unexpectedly found myself on an imaginal cliff overlooking the island of Japan. A Tibetan Buddhist lama by the name of Yabsong Rinpoche was sitting by my side. He pointed down and said “Soon the entire world will be suffering like Japan.” It would seem that his words are turning out to be sadly prophetic. It is not in the scope, or the purpose of this message, to discuss the many ecological danger signals that point to Fukushima. Anyone interested in exploring the increasingly large pool of data, beyond the superficial treatment of the crisis by our mainstream media, can find a lot on the Internet by doing a search of the words “Fukushima radiation,” “Fukushima core meltdown,” and “Fukushima debris field.” I would just urge you to keep your “wits” about you as there is a lot of erroneous and hyperbolic information floating out there about the disaster. The facts are scary enough without having to go into unsubstantiated speculation.

For the sake of clarity I would suggest reading reports from reputable scientists—especially those in the fields of nuclear energy, ecology and the marine sciences, as well as those who work in the fields of epidemiological research (meaning where cancer and radiation related illnesses are increasing in various populations including Japan and North America). I would also give more weight to respected alternative news sources. In my opinion these include, but are certainly not limited to, The Huffington Post (, Energy News (, Simply Info (, The Guardian (, and Greenpeace (

Background on the Fukushima Sound Meditation.

After the Hathors asked me to channel this sound meditation to help with the crisis, I asked them—ever the skeptic—to explain how this meditation could possibly change the course of such a true debacle. After all, radiation of the type being released by Fukushima is highly toxic and damaging to most biological life-forms including we humans who have perched ourselves on the top rung of the evolutionary ladder, a position I consider to be highly tenuous. They explained that the sound meditation would focus on the three areas mentioned in their message above—

1) to assist the nature spirits of the area,

2) to assist the humans who are undertaking such a critical task under the direst of circumstances and

3) to inspire other humans in the sciences and technology sectors to create new technologies capable of dealing with the unprecedented challenges that Fukushima presents. Interestingly, the Hathors are of the opinion that in addition to new radiation management technologies, some of these new technologies will be “biologically based” and will be developed by cell biologists, as well as by researchers who work with mushrooms and fungi. The Hathors contend that when the Meditation itself is engaged properly, those working with it will, in effect, create a quantum field-effect that can affect future possible outcomes around Fukushima. In essence, those who work the meditation will be Jumping Timelines, as the Hathors call it. This is a very important piece of information, in my opinion, as it provides a theoretical understanding how such an ephemeral thing as this meditation could affect such a terrible situation in three-dimensional reality.

I therefore suggest you read a previous Hathor message entitled Jumping Timelines, if you haven’t already read it. (Note: Click on the link above or go to and click on the Hathor tab. You will be taken to the Hathor Archives. Simply scroll down to the message titled Jumping Timelines). I imagine that some readers might like to know what transpired for me during the recording process, and I will do my best to describe my experiences although, quite frankly, I find that words fail to capture the staggering breadth of energies and cosmic assistance being offered to humanity in this most precarious of passages. If you don’t care for such matters, just skip down to the subtitle The Meditation where I clarify the nuts and bolts of how to do it.

A Descent of Light.

With the very first notes of the first channeling that became the foundation track of the recording, I psychically sensed a tower of white light descending from space into the Fukushima reactors and the surrounding environs. As I recorded other channeled sounds, the light often changed to a type of violet flame, which I interpreted as an effort to transmute the very difficult energetic conditions. I also clearly sensed other colors from the light spectrum—especially gold, silver, blue and purple—indicating to me that many spirit beings from the realms of light were adding their assistance as well.

At one point during the recording process, some of which took place in the wee hours of the morning, I was overcome with pathos as the channeled sounds began to flow from the Devic Kingdom to the nature spirits around Fukushima. For a moment I was flooded with a sense of utter despair coming from the nature spirits in the region, so much so that I had to stop recording and regroup myself in order to find a state of emotional balance so that I could continue with the channeling.

About one-third into the recording, you can probably hear three distinct voices to the far stereo left, far stereo right and stereo center. These are the voices of three High Devas (in my language meaning high up the vibrational scale at the juncture between the High Astral and the Etheric). For me these voices carry a sense of spiritual fortitude and strength mixed with a soft and gentle compassion. These extraordinary beings were directing their energy and full intent to support both the nature spirits of the region as well as the human beings who are faced with the daunting task of decommissioning the facility.

The Meditation. The recording is 3:28 minutes long. Although the Hathors described the meditation quite well, for the sake of clarity, here are the steps:

1) Enter a coherent state of emotion such as appreciation, gratitude, impersonal love and/or ecstasy. Consciously enter a state of appreciation, gratitude, impersonal love and/or ecstasy according to your own capacity to enter coherent states of consciousness. The simplest coherent state for most people to enter at will, is simple appreciation. If you are more adept at these things, you can choose one of the more complex coherent emotional states as you wish. But to be clear, simple appreciation is enough of a coherent state to make the meditation effective. As the Hathors clearly state, you must be in a coherent state of mind and emotion that transcends fear in order to be effective at this.

2) Listen to the sound meditation while you remain in this coherent emotional state.

3) Imagine, in whatever ways seem natural to you, that the situation at Fukushima is being resolved in life benevolent ways. This type of knowingness is not just idle hope or mere fantasy on our part. It is the engineering of intention through the union of coherent emotion and mental clarity. This energized clarity is what creates the quantum field effect that the Hathors described to me when I asked them how such a meditation could contribute anything real to the situation. In other words, as those of us around the world engage the meditation, we will set into motion a movement of energies that can constellate into new and more positive outcomes. How this will show up will be anybody’s guess. But if the meditation is successful through all our joint efforts, I would expect to see an increase in both serendipity and new forms of creative problem solving in relationship to Fukushima. I suspect that within our world sangha there will be many variations of the meditation. The important thing is to work with it in ways that seem natural and plausible to you.

Those of you who are experienced in engineering outcomes through meditative states of mind will undoubtedly know what to do. For those of you new to this type of meditation, my primary suggestion is to let yourself settle into and be enveloped by the coherent emotion that you have chosen. As you “let go” and really experience the coherency of your chosen emotion, you will eventually find a deep intuitive sense emerging. This type of intuition is from your own heart/mind and it will reveal to you how to proceed via your creative imagination.

In other words, once you have entered deeply enough into coherency and set into motion your intention of imagining a resolution, ideas will spontaneously arise within your mind. One of the many things I appreciate about this sound meditation is that it is short and effective. It shifts my brain state into a very receptive state quite quickly, and due to its length I find that I can easily fit the meditation into my daily schedule.

This meditation is to be done on your own whenever you choose to engage it. There are no plans at this point to have a global world meditation where we all meditate at the same time. An important thing to remember is that this is not a one-time deal. If this experiment in consciousness is to be effective, the meditation will need to be engaged by many of us around the world multiple times for many years if not decades. Indeed, for those of you who choose to undertake this form of planetary service, the meditation is a profound calling to presence.

Furthermore, this level of work will require a level of spiritual fortitude and perseverance that is, for most of us, unprecedented. A Final Thought

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Albert Einstein

Click here to listen to and/or download the Fukushima Sound Meditation (3:28 mins) ©2013 Tom Kenyon All Rights Reserved

You can make copies of this message and share it in any media you desire so long as you do not alter it in anyway, do not charge for it, credit the author and include this entire copyright notice. The Fukushima Sound Meditation is for your personal use only and may not be posted on any Internet site.

Information Not Directly Related To This Message: Extended Play Version of the Fukushima Sound Meditation After working with the Fukushima sound meditation multiple times, I realized that I wanted to listen to a longer version. This was because I found this particular sound meditation to be such a profound gateway into the Devic and Angelic realms of light. I therefore created a version of the sound track that is a little over an hour long, which I call Passage Into the Devic and Angelic Realms. I do want to be clear that the 3:28 minute version, which is offered without charge on the website, is all that is needed for you to work the meditation effectively. You need nothing else sound wise. Passage Into the Devic and Angelic Realms is currently available only as an mp3 audio download.

To order Passage Into the Devic and Angelic Realms  go to The Store on the website (

Multi-Level Existence.

2006-04-14 09.28.01 I’ve been having such great ideas lately of how to help the house, but I should know better by now. I went downstairs, for the first time in days, yesterday and I ended staying down there for about an hour. Bad idea! I realised that my ideas have no chance of coming to fruition as long as the men here are in control. I want to take actions which empower the women but the men are so dysfunctional they would never allow it to happen. Mother too is always going to be in control and I really do not want to be fighting what does not work. It’s too exhausting. 

But while I was thinking about all of this, this morning, ‘upstairs’ explained to me why it was important that I stay upstairs! A few months ago they told me not to go downstairs, to stay in the flat. I didn’t understand then why they were saying that. I have been looking forward to the winter all summer long, for the ability to go outside, having been stuck indoors all year. But as soon as the weather cools down I get a cold which just won’t shift. The fact that this flat is so bloody cold too doesn’t help. It’s like living in Ireland when I was a child except that we don’t have any heating here. It’s like nobody manages the heat or the cold. Why don’t they have fires here? They will build one outside but then you have to sit downstairs with all the kids playing with it and I can’t stand to see it. It is so dangerous. Apart from that I do not like lots of company! I just cannot manage it. I can’t just sit there, I need to be doing something!


So there I was, feeling like there was absolutely no point to me staying here in this house and how it would be easier to actually get a life outside of here, when I understood what ‘they’ had meant when they told me to stay indoors. I am currently working on two levels, like at Memnon. (Although in this case I am acting as the male energy, as did Hatshepsut,and Omar is the female). Upstairs I have anchored energy which is different to the energies I have anchored downstairs. Yet they are connected to each other. The energies/thought-forms that come into this upper level slowly filter down to the lower level, like the human energy-field. But in order to keep in the space where I can receive these energies I have to avoid going downstairs because as soon as I do I am in the middle of all the negative energies generated by people. Emotions and beliefs that appear ‘normal’ to the people who live in them are energies which I cannot manage. They are too hopeless. There is little forward movement with them. No matter what I try to initiate they stall. The men make the craziest decisions, decisions which effect their families and ultimately the whole house, but everyone just has to put up with it. They have no other choice. It is the most frustrating experience to have. I can see where they are going wrong and yet no-one wants to know. It is as though downstairs people live with the ‘death’ impulse; that impulse that kills life and creates illness and despair. But through years of healing I overcame my own ‘death impulse’ and now my impulse is towards growth and life. But you cannot make a plant grow where there are 20 people ready to trample on it!

BUT, what I am made to understand is that if I, on my level, create the life I want to live, on a physical level, that these ideas will eventually filter down to the lower floor. If I create a place which is warm and beautiful, on the amount of money we get, then it will inspire those downstairs to do the same. I can bring in those ‘higher’ ideas and manifest them on this level and hopefully, in time those ideas will impact on those downstairs.

2001-01-01 00.00.00-26 (2) The mediating factor here is Omar, as he has the dual function of acting on my ideas downstairs and creating chaos up here because he has the same impulse as those downstairs. That creates a lot of obstacles for me, as I try to create something and he ruins it, not intentionally, but because it is the way he has always lived, without beauty and in chaos. I have to take that into account when I am recreating the flat and make rules. I have started to become quite firm with him now as this has gone on long enough and I cannot be an Egyptian wife any more. I have to be myself! I understand the Egyptian marriage dynamic well enough now to know how to counteract it! Although that does not stop it from effecting me! But I have to feel my female power now and act on it, knowing that it will create problems and a little conflict but if I am to achieve this then I just have to bite the bullet! Our friend Chris will be here soon too and he has been doing this work for quite a few years so that will make it easier to manifest too. 2001-01-01 00.00.00-45 (2) But Omar is creating abundance in the field, growing food and generating more income for the family, so he is taking the ideas we ‘receive’ and acting on them. The next step is learning how to use that income wisely and not give it all away for crazy and unnecessary projects downstairs which benefit nobody but the men! 

Understanding how the levels work explains why Hatshepsut built her mortuary temple on three levels. The ground level is very much about the Earth/Mother and what it produces. The next level is the balance between the light and the dark, male and female, both energies mediating the upper and lower levels. The upper level is the Solar/Male level. Hathor brings the nourishment of the Mother, while Anubis brings the dark of the human unconscious. She is love and hope while he is death and initiation. Although it is the relationship between the two, the conflict generated between the two opposing energies which creates growth. Like the 4th ray, of harmony through conflict.

2006-06-28 20.07.25 (2)This awareness also makes me think of why chapels are built on an upper level rather than on the ground floor, such as at Corfe castle and on mountainsides. They are built on levels of energy which allow them to be a medium between those layers and the layer of humanity. Nothing is accidental when it comes to spiritual architecture and its placement! The clues are in the building itself and in its position. In order to build these places the designers/architects have to understand the principles of energy which they are representing. In our case here, in our home, we are taking what is already built and modifying it to become a spiritual space. The energy-work has already been done and now the physical manifesting of it needs to happen.

Little by little.

So I will work with these principles in mind and see what happens. These energy-lines Chris and I have built here go out in all directions, and so whatever ideas I receive and act upon also influence the people who reside beside, or on, those lines.  It is not just the people who live in this house who receive the benefits. So I will stick with it for a while and see what changes. If we are not here then there is no possibility for change; but as long as I am, then there is.

I guess its that simple!

The Cow Shed.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I was on a farm. It was connected to another, larger farm, which could be accessed via a door in the wall. The larger farm was richer and owned by someone else. When I opened the door to this farm I saw one cow, standing by itself in a large space. I couldn’t see the owner as he seemed to be working elsewhere.

On the smaller farm they had kept the cow in the cowshed, but they never cleaned it out. It was full of ancient cow-dung which was so thick it lay in piles on the floor and mangers. There were no longer any animals in the shed, just dung. For some reason I was in the cowshed. I was fascinated by the insects which were making their home in the dung but I couldn’t figure out why the people who owned it never cleaned it. It surely couldn’t be good for the animals.

171 (2)

This cowshed also housed 6 dogs. Three of them were mastiffs and three were scruffy, scared dogs, like the usual stray dogs one sees here, roaming the villages. As I looked around the cowshed the three mastiffs growled warnings at me. They were not at all happy that I was in their cowshed, looking at their cow dung. The other three dogs were too scared to growl and kept their distance, having no power at all. Every-time I went to look at some interesting beetle which had made its home in the dung one of the mastiffs growled at me. “This is mine,” he seemed to be saying. “Leave it alone.”

The dogs didn’t seem to be aware that they were both living in, and being protective of shit! They had lived in it for so long that they didn’t see it for what it was and they sure didn’t want me interfering in it either. I ended up having to leave the shed as I was clearly not wanted in it!

That pretty much sums up the experiences of living here. The three scared dogs are the women, who live in the dark shed but who have no power. The mastiffs are MIL and two of the men, who all make it clear how much input they want me to have.

But, for the past couple of days, I have been thinking about this situation with the scared dogs/disempowered women. Their complete dependency on their husbands means they are always living on the edge, having to ask them for everything they need, even if it is only hair cream or soap. They have no independent income, unless their own families give them gifts. So I decided to get each of the women some chickens of their own and give them a lamb, once they are born. We have three ewes now so next year we will have more. If the women have something of their own, which the men have no power over, then maybe it will help them to feel a little more secure. They will keep their animals in with ours so that MIL has no power over them either. She rules the roost…but not in my shed!

Maybe that is also what the dream is about! MIL has her own chicken house, which was once mine but she took it back sneakily! I then had no place to keep my hens. When Omar and I decided to buy the cow he and his brother made a big enclosure so we could keep her, the donkey and the sheep in it. MIL is not allowed into the enclosure anymore after her last stunt with me in there. Her chickens are now also in the house she took from me and do not enter the cow’s enclosure either! So the cow’s enclosure is the ‘large farm’ with the cow in it and the small room, which is full of s**t, is the old one, the one they are all trying to guard so desperately. All of that power over…nothing. Omar has made sure that the cow enclosure is under our jurisdiction so we can do what we like there. I want to share it with the other woman so that they too have something.

2013-07-23 17.34.48 (2)

The other morning Omar had been up all night, looking after his elderly father. The brothers take it in turns to sleep with him. He was so tired the following morning that I said I would feed the cow and the sheep so that he didn’t have to. I went downstairs;, MIL was nowhere to be seen. One of the other wives was there, sweeping up and collecting the dung for the bread oven. One of the brothers had given some berseem/clover to the animals but it was a snack really! I stood and talked to the kids, trying to decide how to to feed them. I was aware of feeling like ‘I was not allowed’ to feed them because it was not my ‘right’. No-one is ever happy with me when I take the initiative, but then I thought ‘stuff it’. I’ve paid for the damned food and Omar has put all of his time and dedication into growing and harvesting the maize (by hand I might add), so I have every right to feed them if I choose. So I did. Six-year-old Batha, who was babysitting her less-than one-year-old sister, (a whole other blog!), helped me by getting the water, while I took her little sister from her. Needless to say, MIL never said good morning or even acknowledged my presence. When I commented on it to Omar he said she was jealous because he had told her to keep out of the cow enclosure. Hey ho, but good for him. He always supports me in these issues and I just play the game and don’t react to her. I stay friendly and generous no matter what happens, but I do speak honestly to her if she tries to manipulate or con me so she is learning that I have boundaries and I am supported by her son. I am the only woman in this house whose husband supports her!

This issue of power is my Third Gateway initiation, which I experienced at Wayland Smithy. Overcoming male control and acting regardless of their ‘oppression’ and control is one of my challenges, especially as it relates to ‘Mother’ energy, so this issue is one which I have to overcome here. No better place to be sure! But thinking about that particular initiation also gives me the understanding of how the ‘illusion’ of oppression works in reality. Yes oppression can have physically damaging outcomes but often it is what is ‘threatened’ which has the greater effect in stopping us from achieving freedom.

I remember my first experience of this from my first visit to Cairo in 2001, a couple of years before I began to do earthwork. I was attending an ascension workshop with Anrita Melchizadek, and was staying in the Horemheb hotel (Clue there!). After a disastrous taxi drive from the airport to the hotel in the middle of the night I finally got to sleep.

The following morning I awoke and looked out of the window at the busy street outside. It was chaos. Cars driving like crazy things, horns beeping and most of all, women dressed in black, from head to toe. I hated it. The sense of female oppression was terrifying and I thought I would never be able to go onto the street. I had come alone to Egypt and had not yet met any of the other workshop participants. I felt completely alone.


But while I was watching the streets and feeling more and more scared of going outside I suddenly felt very defiant. What was I thinking? I wasn’t going to allow any stupid, weak man to stop me from doing anything! So I got my clothes on and went out for a walk. I had an energy around me that just ‘dared’ any man to touch me or even talk to me. None did! I walked for about a mile and then walked back to the hotel. When I got into the lift in the hotel I met a couple who were also going to the workshop. They asked me what I was doing outside and I said I had a gone for walk. “What…alone? That’s not a good idea, it’s not safe here for women alone you know,” the woman told me, her husband nodding in agreement.

“No shit,” I said to myself. “Too late now”.

The Divine Flame.

This morning, as I was waking up, I had a vision. In this vision I was looking at a desert hilltop and on the top of this hill a huge fire was being tended by a woman. It was a Sacred Flame, the Flame of Life. She had kept this flame burning and over time it had become bigger and brighter and had lit up the surrounding landscape. The energy of the sacred fire kept the country stable, peaceful and prosperous. The Keeper of this Flame was the King’s daughter but he also had a son.


The King had watched this flame grow and had become very jealous, and scared, of how powerful this flame was becoming. So he sent his son to build a fortress around it, to contain it.  Then he instructed his son to build his own flame beside the fortress, so that his flame would be the brighter one. His sister’s flame was now no longer accessible and had become invisible to all those who lived in the surrounding land.Only the king could benefit from her work. Unfortunately, the King’s son had only built a fire, he didn’t know how to empower it so that it would be a Divine Flame. Therefore it burned with no spirit, but his sister’s flame could no longer be seen by anyone and so everyone believed that the flame built by the King’s son was the flame that brought all the prosperity. But it wasn’t.

One day an invasion from another country forced the King’s son to be called away to fight against the invading army. He left the flame and ran down the mountain to lead his father’s army into battle. The fire slowly died down and there was nothing left but the citadel, the fortress they had built to ‘guard’ the flame and to keep it ‘safe’. No fires burned. No flames lit up the night sky and the country sank further and further into darkness and war. The Feminine Flame was dead, replaced by a masculine fire, which had now burned out and was also dead. Now it was a world of men and the dark forces reigned.

They have reigned ever since.

This is the story of the Sister of Saladin and the demise of the Sacred Feminine during the time of the Crusades. It is the story of how the Divine Feminine Flame was extinguished, a flame which the true Crusaders sought to keep burning in the Middle East. This is not what the history books tell us however. That story is a different one.  What is does point to though is the presence of a sacred flame site within the Citadel in Cairo, a flame which can be re-ignited, bringing back the Divine Feminine to Lower Egypt…and that is definitely worth a trip!

On a personal note I am also aware of a personal message in this story. I feel quite ‘restrained, here in my fortress of a home and wonder how to do my work of keeping the Divine Feminine energies flowing here, but it often feels like my own personal fire is being extinguished by the men around me and their constant need for control and power. They use my power to pursue their own goals of ‘building their kingdom’ but block me from building mine. My ‘kingdom’ is not really mine but belongs to everyone, or at least it is created in order to feed everyone. But they don’t really understand that, seeing the world through their cultural eyes only and so it feels like my fire is slowly going out. They use all of my ideas to build a stronger life but I am not given the same freedom. So…how do I stop my fire from being extinguished?  I am the Keeper of the Flame, that is my job, but how can I do my job if I live in a fortress?

I guess I need to figure that out…